Spontaneous Combustion

Who do you know that's spontaneous? I mean really spontaneous, as in the minute they desire to do something they do it, and damn the consequences later. See I don't know anyone like that, but I know a ton of people who wish they were, me included. I know that lack of spontaneity is only part of my problem. The other part of my problem is lack of funds, because the majority of my spontaneous thoughts revolve around places I'd love to drop everything and go to or dream jobs I'd love to try, just once.

Though, the logical part of my brain says (surprisingly this voice sounds like my mom and dad rolled into one), "You can't go overseas. You don't have that kind of money. What about terrorists? How would you survive?" Or, "You can't go to L.A. or NYC and try working on a set. How do you know there's even a job opening? Where would you stay? What would you do if it didn't work out?"

And the thing that sucks is that deep down I know logically it's right, but damn it if I don't want to try it anyways. Half the fun of life is making mistakes and trying to clean up the mess afterwards. Oh and of course learning from those mistakes. So that's why once again I'm going to try finding a job down at the beach. Even though school starts back in two weeks, I don't have a place to stay, I haven't filled out a single application, and I haven't done any research about the schools. I'm going to be a bit spontaneous and just see what happens. Let the chips fall where they may.

I leave you with the ultimate spontaneous poem by the man, the myth, the legend, Robert Frost. I wish to be everything this poem embodies.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost
TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;	5
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,	10
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.	15
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

What If

So I've been doing a lot of thinking about "What If." You know what I'm talking about it's that question you let yourself think about only when you have a lot of free time and are in a state of mind that will allow you to walk away from the thought process. "What If?" can be an inspiring question or it can be debilitating. In my case over the last few months it has been the latter.

I recently lost my job. Well I say lost, but technically I resigned. The job was unhealthy for me so I made myself get out before I did anymore harm to my psyche. When I left the job I had no confidence in me or my abilities. I began to second guess my life choices up until that point. That's when the "What Ifs?" started to creep in. I said, "What if I had chosen a different career? What if I had moved away from home and stayed away? What if..." I could do this all day, but it's not going to get me any closer to the answer. One "What If" is always followed closely by another and another until, in my case, you so distraught and confused you don't know which way is up. I spent the last two months moping and playing the "woe is me" game, but you know where that got me? Nowhere.

Now I'm jobless. School starts back in less than a month, and I won't be starting back with it. I by no means think I'm ready to get back into the classroom, or at least that's what I've let myself believe over the last few months, but I'm also by no means cut out for anything else. I think. I've never let my mind wonder to far off the beaten path when it came to other possible careers, because I knew it would never happen. One, I'm unqualified for anything other than education. Two, I wouldn't even know where to begin. But I guess if I want to keep food on the table I had better start somewhere. What if I...

The First Beginnings of a Blog...Here Goes Nothing!

So I know I'm a little behind the curb of the bloggersphere, but what a better time to start one than the present. Like the saying goes, "Better late than never." I've always had a hard time keeping a journal, but I find my proverbial juices flow much easier when I've got a keyboard in front of me. I enjoy writing or in this case typing very much, and I've always wanted to give writing a blog a try. I can't guarantee that by this time next week I won't have given up on this blog, because I'm either too lazy or have just simply forgotten that I set this up. I'm very spontaneous and live in the moment, but I don't tend to stay in the moment for long. I can't count how many different projects I've started, but never finished. If my stack of journals with only the first journal entry completed, or my room with only one wall painted, is any indication for what I'm trying to explain about the success rate of this blog. Nevertheless, I will still try this out and see how it goes. I'm already making progress with this entry in that it is longer than any entry in the countless number of hardback journals I possess.

I can't promise that this blog will always be interesting, but then again I really didn't make it for the public. This is just a way for me to express my feelings and type out ideas as they pop into my head. Nor can I promise that every entry will be lengthy. Some days I might type a sentence or two, and other days may be several paragraphs long. You never know...Well my juices are starting to slow down so I think this post is coming to a close. Until tomorrow...maybe.