What If

So I've been doing a lot of thinking about "What If." You know what I'm talking about it's that question you let yourself think about only when you have a lot of free time and are in a state of mind that will allow you to walk away from the thought process. "What If?" can be an inspiring question or it can be debilitating. In my case over the last few months it has been the latter.

I recently lost my job. Well I say lost, but technically I resigned. The job was unhealthy for me so I made myself get out before I did anymore harm to my psyche. When I left the job I had no confidence in me or my abilities. I began to second guess my life choices up until that point. That's when the "What Ifs?" started to creep in. I said, "What if I had chosen a different career? What if I had moved away from home and stayed away? What if..." I could do this all day, but it's not going to get me any closer to the answer. One "What If" is always followed closely by another and another until, in my case, you so distraught and confused you don't know which way is up. I spent the last two months moping and playing the "woe is me" game, but you know where that got me? Nowhere.

Now I'm jobless. School starts back in less than a month, and I won't be starting back with it. I by no means think I'm ready to get back into the classroom, or at least that's what I've let myself believe over the last few months, but I'm also by no means cut out for anything else. I think. I've never let my mind wonder to far off the beaten path when it came to other possible careers, because I knew it would never happen. One, I'm unqualified for anything other than education. Two, I wouldn't even know where to begin. But I guess if I want to keep food on the table I had better start somewhere. What if I...